The Concept of Emotions and Their Role in Emotional Regulation

The concept of emotions is fundamental to emotional regulation. Emotions are affective reactions of short or medium intensity that reflect individual attitudes toward reality. To gain a holistic perspective on this issue, it is essential to address communication in relationships. From the perspective of conflict, couples that engage in a pattern of critical communication are significantly more likely to separate. Partners may fail to respond empathetically, leaving each other's needs unfulfilled.

In emotionally intense situations, people tend to engage in survival behaviours. Conflict becomes almost inevitable, making partners more defensive. They may feel a sense of loss when the relationship is struggling, leading to a fight mode, where they blame each other for their negative emotions rather than seeking solutions together. This type of interaction fosters ineffective communication, often mistakenly seen as the cause of a dysfunctional emotional regulation system when, in reality, it is its consequence.

A partner who is emotionally misaligned can further destabilise the other through their externalised reactions. Those struggling with emotional regulation are more likely to engage in conflict-driven behaviours.

A key predictor of such behaviors is negative responses and the invalidation of needs in early family relationships. As a result, a pattern of critical communication develops in childhood, later translating into an ineffective way of expressing needs, desires, or dissatisfaction in relationships.

The Role of Physical Touch in Emotional Regulation

Physical touch often serves as a powerful tool for emotional alignment in couples. It helps partners become more aware of their present relationship, enhancing their ability to perceive and connect with one another. Touch affirms one’s existence in the present moment, reinforcing a sense of physical and emotional presence. For stress-sensitive partners, touch can act as a relaxation strategy, creating an intimate and safe space within the relationship.

A study suggests that touch correlates positively with mental health and expressed affection in couples. Those who use emotion-regulation strategies based on physical touch report greater well-being and fewer conflicts in their relationships.

Practical Exercises

1. Active listening and expressing needs in relationships

Sit in a relaxed position, look at your partner, and think of three essential things you want to communicate about. These could be needs, desires, expectations, or behaviours you disagree with. Take turns speaking, deciding together who will begin.

After sharing, observe your partner’s voice, choice of words, and expressions. Would you have preferred a different tone? A different gesture? Now, provide feedback on what was expressed. Repeat what you heard and confirm with your partner whether their message was accurately received. Reflect together: How can our communication be improved? What would you do differently?

2. Recognising your own and your partner’s emotions

For this exercise, you will need a notebook and pen. Each time you feel a strong emotion, write down the experience and its details. What triggered this emotion? How did you feel before? If it was negative, what strategy could help improve your state?

In the next phase, exchange notebooks with your partner and identify common or recurring emotions. This exercise helps both partners recognise that they are not alone in their experiences and that fears, desires, and needs can be shared, addressed, and understood together. This can be practiced over a week or integrated into daily routine.

3. Mindfulness in relationships

Stand in a relaxed position, straighten your back, and close your eyes if you feel comfortable. Hold hands with your partner and start walking slowly around the room. Pay attention to each sensation, each step. Observe your breathing and that of your partner. Notice how air enters your body, hold for a few seconds, then exhale.

Focus now on your partner. How do they step? How do they breathe? Do they seem relaxed and present in the moment? Shift your attention to the relationship itself. Feel your partner’s hand in yours, concentrate on this connection in the here and now. If you feel comfortable, share a hug. Slowly return to the initial state, open your eyes, and take a moment to look at your partner. What do you feel? What sensations arise when making eye contact? Are you more present and aware of your relationship?

References

Cullen, M. (2011). Mindfulness-Based Interventions: An Emerging Phenomenon, Mindfulness, 2, 186-193. DOI: 10.1007/s12671-011-0058-1

Laurent, H., & Powers, S. (2007). Emotion regulation in emerging adult couples: temperament, attachment, and HPA response to conflict. Biological Psychology, 76(1-2), 61–71. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2007.06.002

Malakh-Pines, A. (1999). Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose. New York: Routledge.

Meeks, B. S., Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (1998). Communication, Love and Relationship Satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15(6), 755–773. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407598156003

Walden, T. A., & Smith, M. C. (1997). Emotion regulation. Motivation and Emotion, 21(1), 7–25.